Games Workshop: A Catalog of Consumer Complaints, 2021

WARNING:  Apoplectic nerdrage-induced cursing bordering on terminal neckbeardia.  Do NOT proceed if you are vulnerable to malediction-by-proxy.  Proceed at your own risk.  Note:  Bellicose visitors may have their status upgraded to belligerent after reading. If you find this to be the case, please comment below with Disqus.  

Preamble

Well, we're back here.  Some announcements and a strangled rant.

First, we're locking in at Warhammer 40,000 8th Edition for the forseeable future.  We'll use this ruleset as a basis to develop the Nemesis Nihilum campaigns.  You can still add units from new editions, and we're going to be bringing back some stuff from the older editions. 

In addition, Kill-Team is locked at KT18.  KT21 will not be recognized by the council.

More on how all this will be handled will be disclosed as we get closer to Nemesis Nihilum...

BUT...

We really have to take a moment to talk about Games Workshop.  This recent bullshit by them is inexcusable and it's time for action. 

I tried to write a more eloquent article.  Every time I tried, I went off the deep end and got WAAY to detailed and wordy.  Turns out I have a lot to say about this, but writing all that out again isn't worth the "uh, nuh uhs" I'd get from monkey-brain mendicants.

This is draft three...and after this preamble I will limit myself to super short sentences.  Let's get some conceits regarding this malediction of society down before we begin.

1. I feel personally aggrieved by Games Workshop's actions since 2012.  I do not care how you feel in the slightest, and defending GW is a one way ticket to the mendicant's aisle.
2. To anyone thinking "it's just a game" -  you're a fucking half-wit.  Go to mendicant's aisle and contemplate this.
3. If you have no idea why I'm angry, kindly pay attention to GW's actions.  
4. I am not going to do a list of these grievances because it's super obvious to anyone that's not a complete and total moron - which is to say every single shill and newb defending GW.
5. This has nothing to do with money, but GW really thinks highly of their unworked plastic.  Too much, methinks.
6. This has to do entirely with the way NU-GW has reversed the policies of the company they co-opted.  So much potential wasted, so much goodwill squandered.
7. I hold GW personally responsible for the gradual decline of the local groups, which used to be a gigantic pool for our part of the country.  We were the pride spot, and now a guy I know had to drive 350 miles out of state to get a tourney.
8. I feel this is all disgusting and anyone supporting GW's current endeavors is either a shill, a rube or just a fucking asshole.  You can't change my mind because you have access to all the facts and honestly as a human being you should feel the same way I do.
9. I don't give a shit about your parroted capitalist apologetics that COMPLETELY misunderstands intellectual property law.  Unlike most of the rubes I happen to actually know what I'm talking about here and I don't have to prove it to you.  Read a fucking book.
10. GW thought it was a good idea to cancel Warhammer Fantasy.  WARHAMMER FUCKING FANTASY.
11. Age of Sigmar is fucking stupid.  Float around in your stupid bubbles as you circle my turd drain.
12. I'm starting to get worked up, so let's get on with it before I fucking wolf out and have to delete all this again.
13. The only ethical thing to do is play Oldhammer, and immediately cease support for NU-GW.  
14. Buy OOPs or secondhand only, but better yet get a brain and let's 3D Print the Future.  
15. Warhammer Belongs to Us. 

Indictment:  How to Strain Your Customer Base Like A Fuckin' Hedge Fund Manager

Community?  Not any more, chums.  Sit in your corners looking at your phone and wait for GW to tell you how much you owe to either A) not play because Beer Koof or B) rearrange your warband / army because it's now illegal and you're stupid.

All this only makes sense if the basic business model is changing.

Fine.  I'm not with it anyway.  Damn mainstreamers are making 40k hopeful again with their idiot primaris retcon and tech-up.  They're like all the other sci-fi supersoldiers now, which is what the mendicants wanted.  Nice flavor.  Much unique (?)

Make no mistake, they have deliberately attempted to destroy game groups.  They no longer will be relying on "guys" to induct new players - they have YouTube Reactors, Warhammer+, Social Media Marketing and they won't be needing the expectations we have.

You know, of cool new releases we can actual use for a few years and get to know.

They have a different tune to sing to us now.

Well, fuck Games Workshop.  No longer am I able to support this vile company's practices. 

This time, we're not abandoning OUR game.  GW gave it to us a long time ago.

We made up our own stories instead of following an "official" storyline.  We could do everything and anything we wanted because GW was chock full of badass talent and gave us the tools.  Updates were a cool 4 years apart for a long, long time - and new editions were generally better.

The legitimate creators of 40k shared it with us and we made it big.  We literally made worlds with our hands, and told stories of OUR guys.

They are doing everything they can to make sure no one else plays in 'their' sandbox - which is just a pastiche of a million sci-fi and fantasy concepts from history and literature.

The fact that these lawyers feel like we're so fucking stupid they can literally trademark the term 'space marine' is coldly telling of what was to come.  That incident only happened after GW's new hedge fund masters sent the lawyers in to check where MONEY was hiding.  Fuck the community, we can make more money of all the people who AREN'T gamers.  Who cares if we only make one sale?

NOW PREPARE ... FOR ... THE MAINSTREAM

It's all mainstream now... and with them they bring metaplot "progress" to the setting and FOMO to the business model.

BULLSHIT.  

I believe the shortages and sell-outs on the site aren't.  It's a lockdown issued by the controllers to increase the market squeeze.  It's fucking obvious.

As you'll see, they are peddling some serious trash for a premium price, and the mendicants EAT it up.  Generally, these days you get 20 models for $200.  BUY IT NOW OR FOREVER BE A LOSER WITH NO SPECIAL MODELS.

Worse and more concerning, the game systems are incomplete and unworkable.  UNWORTHY.

Unnecessary and unwelcome.

9th Edition, released last year, as had a few releases since and is already showing how poorly designed and thought out these projects are.

If you don't care about this, find somewhere else to fuck yourself.

With every release you buy, GW takes a shit on your head.  And they laugh - oh, my man they are FUCKING LAUGHING AT US.

Nothing for it.

Stop supporting GW immediately.  You can't continue to do so and consider yourself an actual person.  You're a mere mendicant and you should go participate in the MLM cult that GW is becoming.

Your online echo chambers don't prove shit.  Internet anecdotes are worth less than my popcorn farts.

Any yells of 'but business' or 'capitalism' proves you're an idiot and don't even understand capitalism.  Competition is allowed, and I can make Space Knights that look like your designs and THERE'S NOT A GOD DAMNED THING YOU CAN DO.

Now, I have my own intellectual property to develop and protect - but the actual ethical concerns are raised by GW, not my bootleg tyranids.  Again, if you don't get it just SHUT THE FUCK UP and go to the mendicant's aisle and tell them you have been detrimental to your community.

The only ethical thing we CAN do as patriotic American Consumers is to kill motherfucking Games Workshop.  Do not buy a single product and let them and everyone else know you're doing it.  You don't have to explain yourself to a GW apologist.

I will not be guiding new players to GW.  That would be unethical.  If they are interested in joining, I'll guide them to Oldhammer rules in use.  After that, I'd introduce them to the fantastic world of 3d printing.  NU-GW will not make a dime.

Play Oldhammer with 3d printed models and house rulings.  Ignore Warhammer+. 

Call me if you're unsure, I'll help you find the right 3d models for your army - and then I'll play whatever edition of 40k you want except 9th.  For real though - stop collecting.  No new armies, just finish the ones you've got.

Find a better game with designers that give a shit.  Maybe I'll work something up and show you what that looks like.

Anyway, like I said before in case you feel the need to reiterate my fuming curses:

Fuck Games Workshop.  #KMFGW

Warhammer belongs to US.  YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BACK.

You've pushed too far, GW.  You made sure we knew that you didn't give a shit about us - and now we don't give a shit about you.  Cat's Cradle, Silver Spoon.

Prepare for a wash of "retro-clone" wargames that will blatantly challenge your IP legally.  It's so easy to parody what you've become, it's astounding no one has done so.  You only really have a claim to iconography you have trademarked, because all that other concept stuff you stole yourself.

Even so, you can't stop me from doing whatever art I want.  Also, I can give whatever I want to anyone I want.

Buy my new retro-clone wargame: Hammerzeit 400,000,000,000 - Heavy Metal Combat in a Refried Universe.

Or, maybe Welcome to Planet Motherfucker - Superviolent Superfuzz Superpsychic Superwar on the Superworld in Superspace.

Of course the legion of mendicants will carry GW through this, not that they will show they care about your sacrifice.  For NU-GW, it's all about those high revenue licenses now, isn't it?

I hope your journey into money takes you to hell.